eu ia escrever. aí eu desisti.

with a guy. is not a matter of finding a “lover”, as the (very nice) text I read the other day. not about loving me. I DO need to fall in love, to feel desired and to desire someone. My life is too much in still mode.

Life still surprises me. Good thing…

today we had a secret santa, me and the girls (L., M., I., R., FV and K, F’s sister from UK, who’s around). I was in a really terrible mood, wishing to go home from work and sleep asap. but I had to go to the meeting. and I went, and it was great, and I’m really glad I went there. Although I really believe they talk a lot about me on my back, that I’m too fat, alone, not dating anyone, not going out ever and etc, although I really have some peeves to go out with them, I do enjoy their company, most of the time…

and you know, I kindda like V. he’s cute, smart and has some characteristics that are really charming. but the some stuff come up. like age, like I really don’t think we have nothing to do (only for a good friendship), as the fact that I’m trying him for her, though I really don’t think something is gonna happen. and the thing that he needs someone to look after him, as he’s such a boy, and there’s all this “maternal me” that wants quite desperatly to have someone to look after. and then I go back to the point that he’s just a friend, a very dear one, and someone that I’d wish could become a very good friend, because he’s an awsome person.

and all the sudden I realize that I’m becoming more and more like my mother. But at least is in a good way - up to now, and I do hope it keeps this track.

today was iM’s secret friend party. I organized everything. I gathered the people. I decided what to do to eat (hotdogs, coke/guarana, popsicles). and I did everything so the “party” would happen.

and I liked it. I felt good. I do need to be attentive and take care so I won’t have all the burden, I need to learn to share the heavy load. and I think I’ve done it quite well this time!

need to go to bed. tomorrow is our bbq party, the oficial one, with our guests and friends. not on my charge, but I do need to be rest.

see? that’s what I’m talking about. Grumpy people, that’s ok. I’m grumpy. I’m a complainer. But I try my best to say “hello” before being grumpy. And when you get to work already grumpy, and you can’t stand a simple prank - wich everybody in the office is used to - than you have a problem, sir. or better, miss. really. go get laid. go kiss someone. go fuck! but stop being such a bitter person!

eu penso demais. e às vezes preciso colocar isso pra fora. mas nao dá pra fazer isso no blog. ou no tumblr oficial. porque as pessoas lêem. e o que quero falar, via de regra, é das pessoas. como a m., que hoje não saiu com a gente porque nao achou lugar pra estacionar. ou melhor, achou. relativamente próximo, mas na mais deserta das duas ruas onde a lanchonete fica. e aí não quis sair do carro sozinha. e não adiantou falar que um dos meninos ia lá buscá-la. ela foi embora. ao menos foi o que ela falou. há a outra versão que diz que ela foi pra casa, e só falou que estava lá pra não dizer que não tinha ido, que não queria, que não podia. e eu realmente não duvido. pessoa complicada…

espero que eu continue escrevendo aqui. ou no moleskine. fato é que em algum lugar eu preciso falar sem saber que os outros lerão. se alguém encontrar, paciência. mas eu não saberei, o que já é alguma coisa. o tumblr não é privado, só não tem nada a ver com os nomes oficiais que adoto na web. é algo aleatório. e eu vou lembrar de desabafar aqui. vou sim…